


dont blame

by stardust1102



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Multi, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-13 19:41:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15371907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stardust1102/pseuds/stardust1102
Summary: the smell of roses, carnations and lilies is lovely , renjun love flowers so the smell is calming to him just not for this moment where is throwing up the flowers that was filled in his lung .





	dont blame

**Author's Note:**

> this is a fic where i was inspired by another fic.
> 
> this is not what i had plan to wrote but anyway enjoy

 

the smell of roses, carnations and lilies is lovely , renjun love flowers so the smell is calming to him just not for this moment where is throwing up the flowers that was filled in his lung .

 

renjun had hanahaki disease , he love jeno , donghyuck and jaemin but clearly by the sign of his disease show they didn't love him back. they first met when the chinese first came to the company when they first introduce themselves . the three ofthem have showed him around the company and sometime showing him around seoul.

 

they were kind to him and he was extremely grateful from having friends such like them . he found out the three was dating when he awkwardly saw the three of them making out on jaemin’s bed when he walk to the room to ask jaemin some question , the three of them immediately pushed each others that cause jeno to fall from the bed while jaemin looked like he want the floor to devour him at that moment and donghyuck’s face can equal to a tomato.

 

the three of them started to rambled hide their embarrassment and stopped when renjun laughed , after a laughing nearly a minute or two he finally calm down and said he doesn't mind their sexuality or their relationships . they must have been concerned that if the chinese was anti-gay or something because they sigh of relief when he had he told them that , he close the door and teased them saying ‘enjoy~~’ and laughed again when he saw the three of them blushing really hard.

 

after closing the door he went to his room that night and climb into bed and found that quietly his tears was flowing out nonstop and his heart hurt like someone stab his heart. that was the moment he found out he love the three of them and that he didn't have the chance to be with them anymore.

 

renjun started coughing flowers when he felt the urge to throw up and that its hard to breath , he was practicing black on black with the other members so he told taeyong that he would going to the toilet . immediately after entering the toilet he kneel in fronts of the toilet and coughed out roses , carnations and lilies , after a few minute the coughing stopped and he wanted to cry his heart out at that moment knowing he has an unrequited love but he opted to just suck up his feeling and continue practice so that he didn't worry the members .

he must have gone for a long time since the members question him where he was but he just assure them that his stomach is not feeling well and continue to practice even though the johnny told him to go home if he is not feeling well and ignoring the concerned looks from the other three 00’sline .

 

after promoting black on black its was a rare day off for all nct members , the three couples had a date while the others also have plans but for renjun he decide to go to the doctors to see if anything can help with his disease.

 

_you definitely have hanahaki disease and i would advised you to surgical remove them as they can make it hard to breath ,_ was what the doctor said but renjun rejected it thinking to himself that he didn't want to lose his feeling toward the three.

 

about a week later , the 00 line was on a vlive talking and chatting about random stuff they were all having fun until he suddenly have a hard time breathing and his throat feel like it been pricked so he suddenly stand up and ran toward the toilet ignoring the ‘hey where u going’ from them and started to throw up flowers and this time thorns as well.

 

he slumped against the door and sit on the bathroom floor and smell the flowers he grab on the flower. _its smell nice_ he think while the tears roll down his face. a few minutes later, he heard knocking from the door , he stand up and wiped his tears with his sleeves and use his phone to see if his eyes is puffing and thankfully its not and flush the toilet not letting anyone see the flowers before opening the door . he expected the three 00 line but not johnny , yuta and taeyong when opening the doors.

 

**hey hyung , what’s u guys doing here?** , he asked the fours acting he didn't know they were worrying about him.

 

**since you suddenly disappear from the vlive and since they have to continue the vlive and assure the fans that you were okay, they text us to makesure u really okay.** johnny said with a stern face .

 

**so what’s going on? why did u suddenly ran toward the bathroom?** this time its was taeyong who spoke .

 

renjun was unsure if he should tell them or not and was thinking of telling them lies when yuta put his hand on his shoulder and said **you can tell us anything okay? if you are willing to talk , we will always listen okay?** and with that renjun open up to them telling them about everything he had been hiding the three just gasped and comforted him till he calm down a bit.

 

**p-please don't t-tell them about i-it ,** renjun said with shaky breath .

 

**of course , we aren't we respect you privacy ,** johnny said and hug the youngest of the 4 .

 

**u have to remove them** taeyong said sternly earning a glare from the japanese male before continuing **look i know its hurt but u can die if u don't , renjun ,** he said with teary eyes.

 

**he is right renjun , i know this is your privacy but this is also ur life we are talking about . we just concern for u and we don't want to lose you so does jaemin , donghyuck and jeno even though they don't love you that way , they still love you as their best friend ,** this time johnny spoke up and look at renjun who had his back rubbed by yuta to calm him down. renjun didn't have a break down but just let his tears out a small i don't know escaping his lips.

 

aftera few minutes the three 00 line come and asked the chances if he is okay and he just nodded and stand up saying he going back to the dorm because he is feeling unwell ignoring the suspicious stared and sympathy stares .

 

few months pass by and the diseases is getting worse to the point he needed to be hospitalised for a few days , good things those day all of them members except him have schedules to attend so they didn't know.

 

 

————————————————————————————————————————————

 

**_3 months later_ **

 

 

 

 

**hey don't you think renjun is acting pretty weird lately? ,** jaemin spoke up from his position where he is laying on donghyuck’s bed .

 

**really? i haven't notice much ,** jeno reply and donghyuck then said **not much weird but more like avoiding all of us . like have u guys been talking to him this pass few days ?** and the other two shake their heads.

 

**well , whatever it is he will tell us if he think he is ready and if not let just ask him tomorrow** ,jeno said and the two nodded and let the topic slide out of their minds temporarily but little do they know is that they will be no tomorrow .

 

 

 

the next day , the three of them heard screaming outside of the room where they are slept at donghyuck ’s room last night , they each got up and walk out of the room with an uneasy feeling in their chests.

 

**what’s going on ? ,** donghyuck ask taeyong who was running out of the house and if you look closely he cried.

 

**renjun is dead** was all he said before running out the door and the three was left alone to comprehend what he just said and after a few second they three also ran to the door to go to the dream’s dorm where he found all of the members either crying or trying to keep calm .

 

they went to the jeno and renjun’s room and saw pile of flowers with some thorns and laying in the middle is a lifeless renjun.

 

jeno walk to the body and kneel in front of it and wiped the fallen tears while the other two proceed to do the same. jaemin was the one who pulled renjun’s body to his chest and proceed to cry his heart out unable to think straight anymore until he was pulled by yuta .

 

he cried on his chest and the japanese comfort him until he was calm and after he was calm , he was pulled to the living room alongside jeno and donghyuck to the living room.

everyone was sitting in the living room shocked and silence because they have no idea what to talk about until johnny spoke up and tell everything he andtaeyong and yuta know.

they told them everything about it and when they was finish jaemin was crying even harder because he felt guilty for not knowing how the chinese felt.

taeyong told them it wasn't their fault and its no one’s fault but they just couldn't handle the thought of their best friend gone.

 

after they had calm down , taeyong told them that they have fun 2 letter ; one for nct members and one for jeno , donghyuck and jaemin.

 

for the nct ones it read:

 

_hi guys , when u see this letter it mean i’m dead and i imagine you guys crying and stuff but i want to tell you that guys that there are no need to feel sad for me because i was the one choose not to get my feeling remove and stuff. I'm going to miss all of you but i want you guys to continue smilinglike how you are right now so please try your best tp just think this as a painful phase you are going through._

 

 

 

_love , renjun_

 

_p.s. taeyong , yuta and johnny hyung thank you for keeping the secret and thank you for comforting me when i was at my lowest, please don't blame yourself or anyone._

 

for the three it read;

 

_hey guys , i want you to know it isn't and will never be you guys fault okay?_

_i know that you guys don't love me the way you don't to each other but i want you to know i love you guys a lot and i’m the one who choose this road so don't blame yourself._

_i’m thankful for all of you because of you guys i have friends in korea that help me keep my mind off my homesickness ._

_you guys are wonderful and i hope u know that , please take care of yourself and continue smiling brightly ._

 

_love , the oldest of the 00 club_

 

after reading the two letters all of them are crying their heart out , they just watch quietly as some people moving his body to the hospital.

 

renjun body was being cremated and sent back to his hometown , jilin so all of the members went there to attend the funeral .

jeno look out of the window from the moving car where they were heading to renjun home to see their parents who was devastated when they heard the news that their son had died , he remember the chinese had promise him to bring them to jilin for a holiday and they did they had come to jilin but with a totally different reason.

 

**Author's Note:**

> sry if there any mistake
> 
> and i heard there are new sm rookies , i hope they will nct~~  
> one of them is a 00line


End file.
